This is your life

September... was a bad month.

And October 1st managed to be worse than any day from last month.

Ugh.

At least I get to do something fun tonight. I'm not sure how into it I'll be, because I feel so disappointed over yesterday, but it beats struggling in school...

Okay, that's a lie. It's actually flown by. Hard to believe that four months ago, at this minute, I was busy doing my History final, probably not even halfway through. Even so, I'd give nearly anything to go back to then, just so I could relive the past four months. I haven't had a summer this good in years. Hell, I don't think I've ever had a summer break that turned out to be this amazing.

What did I do? Let me see...

1) Lazed around
2) Played tennis
3) Met Angela
4) Went to West Virginia and Virginia and stayed with Angela
5) Played a lot of Rock Band 2
6) Hung out with my friends and played a bunch of Dota, Magic, and Arkham Horror

Really, this summer has been awesome almost completely because of Angela. True, I played some sweet tennis, I hung out with my friends a dozen or so times (mostly in the last month), and I rocked out, if only in a video game, but that's it. The four weeks that I spent with Angela really made the past four months memorable. It seems as if everything before we met was just a builder for my anticipation over meeting, and everything after I left her has involved calming down and trying to remember that we still have another four months before we see each other again. It all revolves around her.
 
It's been a great summer though. And in the future, if someone ever says to me, "Quick, what was the best time of your life?", I'll answer in a heartbeat, "Summer of '09!"

...Well, for now. Let's hope that sometime later in my life, I'll have an even better experience with the same person.

And lonely.

I went on a trip to West Virginia and Virginia for... nineteen days. Started as a joke between Angela and I, but it quickly turned serious. I left on the 29th, pulled off an estimated 8 hr 22 min drive in 7 hrs 22 mins (I hate Pennsylvania), and then I spent a wonderful time with my girlfriend and her rather interesting family.

Things are a lot different there. Her area is very spread out (not crowded like mine), the traffic is light, the roads are hilly and curved, a lot of people have slight accents, it's warmer. I'm used to Michigan, with our off and on weather, bumper to bumper traffic, straight on roads that are flat, and voices I can understand perfectly.

Speaking of which... The first few days I struggled to understand her parents sometimes. In fact, I still had trouble near the end here and there. But I didn't mind so much. Her parents were very nice to me, thankfully, so that helped. Her Dad was quiet, but generally funny when he spoke up, and he asked me some stuff. Her Mom talked to me plenty. She's pretty cool.

Anyway, we spent most of the time playing video games and watching movies. Tried out Halo 3 and Dead Rising, played a bit of Topspin 3 together, got in some Crash of the Titans, the Bloody Roar games, and played a hell of a lot of Rock Band 1 and 2. We watched all eight movies I brought, as well as a couple of hers, and we watched the entire first season of True Blood. We went out and drove around. She showed me Martinsburg, as well as Williamsport and Hagerstown. Man, the malls are much smaller there. I sure like her area though. I could get used to stuff like that.

We also visited Brooke, JC, and their baby daughter Julianna in Virginia. Brooke is Angela's older sister. They live near Richmond, in a nice house. Got a room all to myself there. We did some things. Went to a couple zoo places, one that had gardens in it as well, visited Brooke's Dad, went out to Europa, watched a few movies and played some old games. We had a nice time there.

So, Angela and I have spent about a month together now. We're going strong. Our relationship is pretty odd. We aren't the standard couple that's all nice to each other. We make fun of one another a lot and poke and shove. I think she gets it though, that I'm just kidding around because she can take it, and she does the same back because I can take it too. But beneath our weird surface relationship, I think we love each other just as much as any other couple. And you know, spending all this time with her, I realize that I want more. It's just not enough. Will a lifetime even be enough? I wish that I knew.

But I'm back in Michigan now, and I miss her like crazy. Hopefully we'll see each other on Christmas break, and if not then maybe next May or June at the latest. The sooner the better. For now though, I guess I just have to suck it up and live without her. If we both want it, really want it, we'll have years to enjoy together. I can only hope.

I'm going to visit Angela in West Virginia for a couple weeks on Monday, so I thought I'd get this out of the way. Since he's gona and all, lyrics to my favorite Michael Jackson song. Something to remember him by...

Do you remember when we fell in love?
We were young and innocent then
Do you remember how it all began?
It just seemed like heaven so why did it end?

Do you remember back in the fall
We'd be together all day long
Do you remember us holding hands?
In each others eyes we'd stare
(tell me)

Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time
When we first met, girl?
Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time?

Do you remember how we used to talk?
We'd stay on the phone at night till dawn
Do you remember all the things we said like?
I love you so I'll never let you go

Do you remember back in the spring?
Every morning birds would sing
Do you remember those special times?
They'll just go on and on in the back of my mind

Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time
When we first met, girl?
Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time?

Those sweet memories
Will always be dear to me
And girl, no matter what was said
I will never forget what we had
Now baby

Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
(do you remember?)
Do you remember the time
When we first met, girl?
Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time?

Remember the times
Remember the times
Do you remember, girl?
Remember the time
On the phone, you and me
Till dawn, two or three
What about us, girl?

Do you, do you, do you, do you, do you
In the park, on the beach
You and me in Spain
What about, what about...

I bet you remember, I bet you remember...

Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time
When we first met, girl?
Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time?

Remember the time...

We got rid of our ducks today. We were supposed to keep them for 30 days, but the oldest one was only 25. My Dad couldn't stand the chore of cleaning their box everyday (in his defense, it did smell quite bad). So we took them out to the park, left them some food, got a few pictures, and chased them into the water. Once they got in they loved it.

Funny story. We went almost twelve hours later to check on them. They were all sleeping on a hill. This family and their daughter were there with a photographer who was doing her senior pictures. They saw the ducks and just about melted at the sight of them. The girl was an animal lover. I went up and told them I had helped raise them (hoping they weren't going to complain to the cops who had a station a few feet away), and they were fairly interested. They asked how we raised them, where we put them at home, how they reacted to people. They were nice and sleepy, so the girl was able to sit right next to them and get some pictures taken. I walked away with a smile.

Sixty seconds later, a woman with her toddler stopped by and the people pointed the ducks out. I kid you not, she yells, "You didn't bring them, did you?!", as if it was the craziest idea (and it is kinda crazy, but not that bad).

At this point, I say, "Hm, I hope they don't tell her about me." Next thing I know they're pointing in my direction and she's giving me a look as if I'm mental. "Well shit, let's get out of here!" I say to my Dad, and we did.

The lady didn't follow us so she couldn't have been too bothered, but I just got this terrible image of some jackass learning about their origins and telling the cops, and there being some weird law like 'You cannot release ducks in a park that is already full of wildlife', because that would just be insane. It's a really nice park for them and I'd like to visit them, but that'll be hard if there turns out to be a problem with the people and/or cops. I just hope they survive the nights, whatever the case.

Anyway, I'm really going to miss the ducks. They were a lot of fun to just stare at and pet, and I really liked whistling and hearing them peep back to me. It was fun.

And now I'm bored, because a certain person had to go and graduate and is spending the night out at a friend's party. I think I'll text her. Twenty bucks says if I call her 'cutie' she won't like it, heh. Time to test that theory out.

British Literature: A-, European History from 1648-present: A-, Intro to China: B+. Very similar to last semester and very awesome. I am so relieved. It looked like for a while there I could finish with under a 3.0, but I stayed on top with a 3.5, same as last time. Going strong and I hope to focus better next semester and maybe come out with something like a 3.7.

I was really paranoid for a couple days after the discovery of the swine flu in Michigan. My old high school, which is a mile away, closed with three suspected cases, and I chose to go to this arcade place (Dave and Buster's) and touch all sorts of things that dozens of other people touch. Great timing. But most of the closed schools are opening tomorrow, and I've felt fine for four days straight, so I think I'm okay.

Andy, a good friend and my tennis/pool/ping pong/video game partner, moved away on Sunday. We had one last epic tennis match that I won 6-2, 6-7 (5), 7-6 (3), our best match ever. At night, his family, co-workers, and a bunch of our friends went out to Dave and Buster's (the swine flu haven) and gamed for several hours after a good dinner with a few beers. It was a fun day.

Anyway, I'm in a really good mood. Besides good grades, I got into the online poker thing recently, and started to play $2/$4. I was down 33 after a few hours the first night, but today I went on an upswing and won 176. I was up 40 more, but I had a rough session where I was rivered twice, once by an understandable hand and once by a guy who was just being a stubborn jerk. Oh well.  Still up a decent amount in a short period of time.

Oh, and on a side note, I'm having an awesome time talking with Angela. I still wish we talked more though. We talk two or three times a week, but I guess I just kind of got spoiled by my last online thing where I talked to the girl every night. But things are going great with her. June can't come quick enough.

So it's really early (er... late?) and these clementines aren't going to eat themselves. And by that, I mean I should probably get to bed. It's my Mom's birthday today, and I want to be up for most of it. Oh, and it's Allie's too, which I almost forgot. Allie, I know you've, like, ignored me for three months, but hey, happy birthday anyway. Maybe you still check in and you'll see this, and if not, perhaps Bri can tell you. Enjoy it, whatever the case.

Outo. That's Japanese for 'out'. Well, maybe. Whatever.

Lyrics post. Amazing song by ELO. Kind of sweet, actually...

The city streets are empty now
The lights dont shine no more
And so the songs are way down low
Turning, turning, turning
A sound that flows into my mind
The echoes of the daylight
Of everything that is alive
In my blue world

I turn to stone when you are gone
I turn to stone
Turn to stone
When you comin' home?
I can't go on

The dying embers of the night 
A fire that slowly fades till dawn
Still glow upon the wall so bright
Burning, burning, burning
The tired streets that hide away
From here to everywhere they go
Roll past my door into the day
In my blue world

I turn to stone when you are gone
I turn to stone
Turn to stone
When you comin' home?
I can't go on
Turn to stone when you are gone
I turn to stone

Yes, I'm turning to stone cause you ain't comin' home
Why you ain't comin home if I'm turning to stone?
You've been gone for so long and I can't carry on
Yes, I'm turning, I'm turning, I'm turning to stone

The dancing shadows on the wall
The two step in the hall
Are all I see since you've been gone
Turning, turning, turning
Through all I sit here and I wait
I turn to stone, I turn to stone
You will return again someday
To my blue world

I turn to stone when you are gone
I turn to stone
Turn to stone
When you comin' home?
I can't go on
Turn to stone when you are gone
I turn to stone

So, I found out it's going to take me forever to graduate. Could have finished in like two years if I had stayed on course. But no, advisor tells me today, "Yeah, you've got seven semesters left. Have fun with that." So somehow I'll have ended up going to school, like, over six years. Why exactly I need to get 161 credits when I can graduate with 124, I don't know. Apparently Oakland just enjoys money and wants me to spend an additional two semesters or so with them.

I'm extremely frustrated right now, and disappointed in myself. I wish I could start college over, do a good two years at Macomb and get 60 credits there instead of the 30 I came out with, then finished up with a quick six semesters at Oakland. But no, I get to go like a year and a half longer. I can be such a fuck up. At least I'm planning on completing school though. Seems like half the people I know gave up or are getting ready to drop out...

On a more positive note, I won a poker tournament last night. Nothing big. Single table, $20 buy-in, $101 to first place. Andy came with me, lost in about ten minutes by going all in when he shouldn't have. At break, five of us were left and I was down to 2500 (started with 3000). Really increased my play, winning a big 1600 pot early by bluffing with King high on a 3-10-3-10 board. Probably my favorite hand of the night.

Moved well into second place by taking out the former chip leader, while the new chip leader got rid of this weak playing old woman, leaving three of us. Eventually got 66 in a hand, flop was something like 2-5-7. Turn was a 6, giving me a set. Woman bet, I called. River is a  7, giving me a full house. She bets again, leaving herself with like 4000 (I had something like 10000 at that point). I put her all in, she calls. Never learned her hand, but I did beat her.

Anyway, heads up was boring as hell. 95% of the hands were folded. We just took turns going all in. Eventually he got the chip lead by beating me with QQ when I had K8. I went all in blind a couple times, coming up against 66 with 56. Thought I had lost for sure when the board read like 2-8-7, but it came 3 then 4 to give me a straight. Soon after, he went all in with J9, and I called with A7. I caught an A, he caught a J, went on to win the hand and the tournament.

Well, anywho, now that I've bored any reader to death with my pointless school and poker talk, I guess I'm off to write a paper. Adios.

I was going to do an lyrics entry for this song 'Pain' by the band Charm Farm (which I guarantee no one has ever heard of, partially because they were a local band and partially because they released a single album all the way back in 1995), but it seemed oddly misleading because I'm not that depressed and it's kind of a song about that sort of thing. So I decided to do a normal entry about, you know, what I did recently.

Saw Watchmen with Andy and Evan on Tuesday. Everyone should really see that. It's amazing. Very odd though. It jumps around a lot, has some awkward sex scenes, and includes the weirdest music choices. But it's really entertaining, and the fights were amazing. I won't spoil anything, but I will say that one of the heroes is ridiculously rigged, about three times as much as most of the others. And I'm not talking about Dr. Manhattan.

Went back to Andy's and shot pool with Andy and Evan. Did pretty well. Then Tim came over and we played teams. Only did three games, and they all ended on the eight ball, with Evan or Tim scratching on the shot or hitting it in out of order. So that sort of sucked for Andy and I.

Played poker once Jared came over. I was reminded how much I suck at it. I never bet. Very rarely. And I ignore my instincts. I went out second, same way I went out last time we played. KJ against a big pocket pair. But oh well.

We also played Magic for the first time in forever. It was a very strange game. Jared was using his incredibly annoying proxy deck, but because he's Jared everyone targeted him. And by everyone I mean me. He bluffed that he had some card that would stop me, but I called him on it and killed him quickly, using poison, which no one ever uses (seriously, not ever). Then Tim did some ballsy move to kill everything on the board, and Andy decided to hit us all for damage, but Tim reversed it and did 16 to Andy. Evan killed him next turn, and then I planned to kill Tim and then Evan, but Evan intervened and killed Tim and himself at the same time. So that was fun for me, winning with a deck that is my second worst.

And lastly, we played a lot of video games. Played SSBB for the first time in ages and did pretty well. Jared is about 1.5 times as good as any of us. Seriously, he can almost take on two people at once, and it kind of makes me sad because I used to be the guy that dominated the Super Smash Brothers games. Oh well, I had seven years of dominance. Someone else can take a turn. Anyway, after that we played Double Dash, Jared and Tim against Evan and I. Jared and Evan always play as driver and they have this long standing rivalry, but it was kind of a massacre. Close for like half the races and then we kicked ass and won but something like 15 points.

Besides that, nothing has been going on. Had a big test on Tuesday that I thought went decently, certainly a C effort at the very least, and I shot pool (very poorly) last night. I'm doing okay emotionally, I guess. I really miss certain people lately and it's getting to me, but I'm dealing with it. At least most of the people I can still talk to.

Now I'm going to text Angela and sleep, so I'm off. Toodles.

I've had an annoyingly busy week.

Tuesday: Class all day long.
Wednesday: Went out to shoot pool.
Thursday: Class until the middle of the day, then I went out and shot pool again.
Friday: Played four hours of tennis, went out to JD's Key Club at night.
Saturday: Hung out with Julie.
Sunday/Monday: Homework.

Then of course I have class Tuesday, so Wednesday will be my first day off really. I mean, it's not like I didn't have any fun. Shooting pool has become very fun to me, and I got to have my first tennis practice of the season. JD's Key Club was also amazing to go to. Very cool bar. And hanging out with Julie was nice, even if she was being all emo. I also get to see Friday the 13th tomorrow, so that's a big plus, and I hit my ten year milestone of not puking. Plenty of good things. It just never occurred to me how much I enjoy having nothing to do most days. Might just spend the next week not shooting pool or going out to the bar and taking it easy instead.

And what can I say about Valentine's day? Never cared much for the holiday, but I do celebrate it when I'm with someone. Didn't feel particularly sad being single though. I did find it odd that I spent the day with ex-girlfriend's though. Hung out with Julie, texted with Anna, talked to Angela at night. And maybe it was because of that that I spent a long time thinking about relationships today. I don't really feel the need to be with anyone currently, but I think that after being single for a while now I'm getting to the point where I want to have someone again. So we'll see how that goes.

Well, I should do my homework, or maybe those thank you notes I've put off for two months. Just as long as I don't have to leave the house.

Just got done with Christmas stuff.

I got up nice and late, about 11:30, and only because I think Christmas gifts should at least start to get opened in the morning. My parents gifts went over well. Basically movies and clothes for work for my Dad and a bunch of random gifts for my Mom (I think she liked the new camera but was a bit offended by the Biggest Loser t-shirt we got her). I got a few books, Dead Space for the 360 (which is great, heart pounding fun), some little food items, a couple small gifts, the really awesome Winter Classic Red Wings hat, and a few DVDs (The Dark Knight, I Am Legend, The Mist, and Lost season four).

I felt damn sick at breakfast though. My nausea has been acting up the last week, really giving me trouble, perhaps because I'm trying to cut down on how many pills I take for it. So I took a two hour nap, got up around six, and my family had arrived. Just my two uncles and my Grandma though. We usually just do the three of us, but my Mom thought a bigger affair would be nice. And it was. Had some drinks and appetizers, then we had a honey baked ham and a bunch of stuff for the main course. Dessert was good too. Then I fired up The Dark Knight and everyone spent time switching between talking and watching that.

And... 2008 is almost finished. I have mixed feelings about the year, loving the first half and struggling with the second half, but I'll cover that in a post on New Year's Eve. But for now I think I'll relax, maybe play some Dead Space, and enjoy my week and a half off before I go back to school.

Though, speaking of school, I somehow ended up doing very well. I expected a 3.0 and got a 3.47 got my GPA. I still think it's a mistake, but I'm not going to complain because of something so good.

Merry Christmas, again. Hope everyone had a good one.

This is a wonderful song, one of my all time favorites. No matter what sort of music you like, you should learn to love Stevie Wonder, because he has made some truly amazing stuff. And this song is a classic, one of the greats. Enjoy.

Music is a world within itself
With a language we all understand
With an equal opportunity
For all to sing, dance, and clap their hands
But just because a record has a groove
Don't make it in the groove
But you can tell right away at letter a
When the people start to move

They can feel it all over
They can feel it all over people
They can feel it all over
They can feel it all over people

Yeah
Ha, ha, ha

Music knows it is and always will
Be one of the things that life just won't quit
But here are some of music's pioneers
That time will not allow us to forget
For there's Basie, Miller, Satchmo
And the king of all Sir Duke
And with a voice like Ellas ringing out
Theres no way the band can lose

You can feel it all over
You can feel it all over people
You can feel it all over
You can feel it all over people

You can feel it all over
You can feel it all over people
You can feel it all over
You can feel it all over people

Yeah, yeah
Ha

You can feel it all over
You can feel it all over people
You can feel it all over
You can feel it all over people

You can feel it all over
You can feel it all over people
You can feel it all over
I can feel it all over
All over now people

Can't you feel it all over?
Come on let's feel it all over people
You can feel it all over
Everybody
All over people

So, I turned 21 yesterday.

Could have been a better day. Any birthday is going to be annoying for some time when you have class from ten until five. I would have liked to have stayed up late the previous night, but I had to get up at nine at all. So besides that and having class, it was a good day.

I went to dinner with my parents at Mr. B's. Got a strawberry something or another for my first drink. Girly, I know, but I'm not much into the other stuff. I could have got a vodka tonic I guess, but the last one I had really threw me off. Mixed poorly.

Gift-wise, I got ten drinking related items. Tequila, two things used to make blue drinks (I love blue), some hard cider, and these things used to make mini-magaritas. Then I got two glasses, an christmas ornament that was a martini glass, something I'm forgetting, and this badass personalized flask. Seriously, it has my name on it, the date, and on the other side a royal flush. It's really awesome... Besides that, I just got a game, a couple movies, a CD, and about $300. I didn't realize how big a deal 21 was until I noticed everyone was giving me double the stuff. It's great.

And I also got birthday wishes all around, which was nice. I'm used to my family just doing it, since my friends could probably care less about my birthday, but Angela called me, and Julie, and I got to talk to Anna for an hour or so. It was nice to have people remember.

I don't really feel 21 though. I was laying in... couch the other night and realized I was through a quarter or so of my life (hopefully, that is), and I just don't feel that old yet. It was kind of like "Woah, I'm about to be 21" and then "Meh."

Now, when do I get to go to them fancy American casinos? Can't wait for that.

Out to have a drink. Not really, heh. Although I do have a lot to go through. If I become an alcoholic, I know who to blame.

Well, I voted like a good boy, and Obama won. Coincidence? I think not. Seriously though, that's good. I hope he helps our country. I'd like to actually have a decent economy going by the time I get a real job in a few years or so.

I've been so tired lately. I regularly sleep 10-12 hours every day. I was in bed for twelve hours today, and I slept all but an hour and a half of that. It's been weeks of this too. I haven't had a normal sleep schedule the entire time. I basically get up at two in the afternoon or later every day except school days, and on those days I take like three naps just to get me through. It makes me want to... well, lay down and sleep. Which I'm not going to do, because I have to study.

Speaking of which, I thought I was done with tests, but nope. I had one on Tuesday, and I have one tomorrow. Oh, and a quiz too. But then, and I'm positive of this, no more tests until finals in December. I'll snap if I find out someone has a random test before then. I guess this is just what it's like at a real school.

And I've been writing in this journal for four years. Of course, I've barely written in it the last year and a half or so, like once a month, but oh well. Met a lot of great people, some that I'm fond of at the moment (others not so much), and it's all been... up and down. Been an odd four years full of great times and hellish times. I'm not sure how I feel at the moment though.

But hey, that's life. Back and forth, up and down, never being good or bad forever, always changing. Just gotta live with it. Beats dying, eh?

Out.

So, I've had a really busy few weeks. I haven't gone without a test of quiz for this whole month. Every other week there's a damn test. I had two in the first week of October, then quizzes the week after, and then another quiz, and I had two midterms this week, both which could have gone well but will probably be a B at best. I'm not complaining. I've been having trouble focusing this semester, just dealing with some on and off depression and what not, so I'd be happy with a few Bs and Cs. Can always improve next semester, after all.

Besides school, I honestly haven't been doing anything. I've stopped playing tennis. Just suddenly lost interest in it. It's getting cold out anyway. I think I'll just take a break from it and wait until next season, maybe play once more on a nice day in the next week. What I really want to do is go to the casino again. Only problem is I don't want to go alone. Just seems like such a waste of money. $12.50 for tolls and parking, plus about four gallons of gas. Even with prices down, that's still around another $11-12 a trip. Just going to wait for my friends, I guess. When I'm 21, it'll be much easier to just head into Detroit and play.

And... I really want to write again. I've got a few story ideas, but for some reason the only ones that make me want to sit down and write involve zombies or something, and I already did a zombie sort of thing with that whole short novel earlier this year. But I have four other ideas, and so I don't forget them, I'm going to write down their titles here.

- Unnamed love story
- Unnamed alien story
- Unnamed vampire story
- Till Death Parts Us
- Dead!

I wish that writing was a more natural thing for me. It always comes out so forced. But I love it anyway, and I really want to get back into it. My last story, The Uper, was sort of a struggle, but I really liked how it came out, and I thought Human After All was quite good for my first attempt at a short novel. Cheesy, with some weak dialogue and cliche horror bits, but not bad for someone who is a pretty subpar writer.

Anyway, I'm going to try and write before bed. Till Death Parts Us is going to be a very short story, and I'm hoping it will get me back into a writing phase. We'll see.

...Of course, not sure why I even write if I don't show anyone. Maybe I'll figure that out someday.

I could give you everything
But would that be what you want?
I could be enough for you
And give you anything I've got

I could see inside your head
And make you come undone
I could show you love again
If you'd only...

Turn around
Hear the sound of
My heart beating for you

Come on, come on
I think you're so special
What would it take for me to get to you?
I love the way you walk
And the way you talk to me
You talk to me

Come on, come on
Cause I'm all about it
Let's take a chance
Can't wait any longer
We could be the envy of the kings and queens
The kings and queens

So will you come to rescue me?
From this unrelenting need
Cause I know that you belong
In my arms

So let's fade into the night
I'll give you what your heart desires
You know it tears me up inside
What can I do to make you...

Turn around
Hear the sound of
My heart beating for you

Come on, come on
I think you're so special
What would it take for me to get to you?
I love the way you walk
And the way you talk to me
You talk to me

Come on, come on
Cause I'm all about it
Let's take a chance
Can't wait any longer
We could be the envy of the kings and queens
The kings and queens

Yeah, yeah
The kings and queens

Current Music: "Kings and Queens" - Luna Halo

So, I got my EGD done, almost two weeks ago now. Results showed nothing, biopsy showed nothing. All my doctor could do was toss around theories. Whether or not he's right, I don't know. On the one hand, I went through about four or five days with pretty bad nausea. On the other hand, I've gone through three or four with barely any nausea. It's hard to say whether or not I'm getting better or worse. What I hate is feeling good like today and getting all optimistic, only to get very sick another day and wonder if I'm just going to drop dead. A very large part of me is terrified of this. The lack of an obvious cause makes me want to say it's a minor issue that's hard to track down, but it also makes me wonder if it's more serious and is just difficult to find. It could be so many things. I just want to be healthy. This has been going on for six and a half weeks, and it feels like it may never go away. I just can't handle that.

Anyway, in better news, I've driven over to Windsor for the casino a couple times, and it's been a blast. I haven't played poker in over two years, but suddenly I got the urge to go. Did okay the first time (blew most of my profit in one hand), but the second time I was very solid and won $285. Been pulled over at the border both times, but it's quite worth it in the end. I'm having a lot of fun and hoping to do it again. Jar said he would go sometime, and as long as neither of us go out in the first two hours I think it'd be awesome.

And... I start school on Tuesday. I'm stuck there the whole day, from 10:00 until 9:50, and then on Thursday I'm there until 6:00. I never did a two day schedule at Macomb, but I wanted a free schedule at Oakland so I could fit in any work hours once I do get a job. I'd be looking forward to it if I wasn't sick, but instead I just have a lot of nerves. I'm hoping it goes well though. No reason it shouldn't, unless I do get very sick. But I'll just have to tough it out.

Well, the US Open is on, and I'm kind of hooked on that, so back to it I go.

I've been debating posting lyrics for a while, but since I only post once a month I felt like it would be a waste. But since Bri came back, I figured maybe someone can read them and get a feel for the song. It's really very good. Made by Muse. Kind of reminds me of Helena by MCR, mostly because of the drums. Good stuff.

And... probably not posting again for three weeks, once I start at OU and enjoy (or hate) the first week.

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be
The death of me
Yeah, you will be
The death of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
But I'm restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze
The life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?

Yeah, you will suck 
The life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?

Bri is back (she even goes by Brie now, I guess). Here that, nobody? I bet it surprised you too.

 I really didn't expect this. I came on today to post one of my once a month entries, and there was a comment from a random person. Oh, and it happened to be her. How strange. I honestly, 100% never expected to hear from her again. Flashback to December of 2005 and January of 2006 and you'd understand why. Our relationship came to an end so unexpectedly and in such a bad way that it would have been foolish to expect anything else. And it's been almost three years. Hell, you could turn back the clock three years to the date and we would have only been together for a little over a week (August 2nd). So this is very, very strange.

Now, I talk like people will read this. I mean, obviously I referenced the fact that no one is around to read it, but I still type like someone is here to see it. And it's odd, because I've got this weird habit I do now, probably because no one is here to read, where I pace around and talk out loud to myself, just saying whatever is on my mind. Don't get me wrong, I love doing it. Kills time and gives me a chance to vent or just ramble endlessly, but it doesn't quite beat writing on here and having someone actually reading it.

And I think it's quite funny how much I've started doing again that I happened to be doing back when Bri and I stopped talking before. I played poker for the first time in years yesterday, and it was huge with me when I was with Bri. I've started writing again, and that was my entire life when I was with Bri. Also, and not nearly as good, I happened to need to get a quick medical procedure done soon, and I was just about to get one done last time as well. These are some strange coincidences. Very strange indeed.

Anyway, I don't even know if she's going to read this. I left her a comment and replied to one she left me, but I can't count how many times I've contacted someone that I used to talk to and they've never gotten back to me or they just say a few words and leave (okay, I can count that, and the number is only three). I'd love to talk again, whether it's for some closure or to reminisce or to even be friends again, but I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted nothing to do with me. Sometimes, I truly can be an idiot.

So Bri, if you do read this, I'd be glad to talk again. We had a really bad ending, and I would like the chance to make it so that we don't remember that terrible finish as the only thing to come from our friendship. But if you don't want to talk, I'll understand. Just hearing from you and seeing that you aren't tearing me to pieces with words makes me feel infinitely better about things from the past. I'll have to check back here in less than a month for once, or see if you email me, but I'll be around. So, I hope we'll talk, and if not, it was good to hear from you. Take care.

 Finally finished up at Macomb. It's funny, I was looking at an old entry, and I mentioned how I wanted to only be at Macomb for a year. Had I done well in my first year there, I actually could have been at a different school after a year and a half. But oh well, an extra semester is no big deal. Good to have some time off before I start going to a more difficult school. At least, I assume it will be more difficult.

I already signed up for classes at Oakland. Intro to Japan, Intro to Politics, Economics, and European History before 1715. About half of that sounds interesting, and the other half sounds iffy, so I guess I will see. Not worrying about it now.

Other than that, nothing much is going on. Enjoying the French Open and Stanley Cup Finals, playing tennis when I can, gaming when I feel like it. Been a nice, lazy few first weeks out of school. Just going to sit back and relax.

Anywho, I need to do some things, so I guess I should head off. It feels weird on here, almost talking just to myself, but I guess it could be worse. I actually feel pretty good. Definitely liking the way things are going...

Current Music: "Pork and Beans" - Weezer